You can’t go home again…

June 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm (Uncategorized)

Today is a rough day. My mom and I both spoke with my grandma last night and she is starting to get very lonely. She keeps the TV in the den on all day just for background noise. She recently came across a show that she used to watch with my grandpa…she couldn’t take it and shut the tv off. She said she’d never watch that show again; she couldn’t.

I can’t stand the thought of my grandma, however strong she appears, feeling vulnerable, sad and lonely. I hate the fact that I am no longer just a 2 hour drive away. I booked a flight this morning to go spend 4th of July with her but after that, it’s going to be 5 months before I am able to see her again. The next two weeks, I fear will pass very slowly.

As I uploaded photos from my phone last night it suddenly donned on me that my life has been divided into two sections: when he was alive and after he died. The day he died, I had taken my kids at work to Six Flags. I pulled into the parking lot as he drew his last breath. The pictures on my phone tell a story of a life that had not yet been exposed to true pain and loss.  

This Sunday is my mom’s first Father’s Day that she is Fatherless. Next Friday is my 27th birthday and the first year that “Love you the most! -Grandpa” won’t appear on my birthday card. We will remember him this weekend with a BBQ and a memory stone being planted in our backyard.

I read a brilliant quote this week from Rose Kennedy. “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone.” 

Very well said…


Here is the memory stone…planted in out backyard on Father’s Day.


1 Comment

  1. carina said,

    I’m so sorry carle.. Death is hardest on those left behind. We have to somehow keep living & it’s hard.. I know. I love you & I pray your grandma will be ok & her lonliness will subside somewhat 😦

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